Well, it's 2AM and I can't sleep - again! I have a reoccurring knee injury that's been acting up and for two nights I take a muscel relaxer which makes me pass out for about 2 hours then I'm up. I did fall asleep around 8:30 tonight only to find myself awaken by my 5 year old son kneeing me in the chest (not fun). So by the time I finally got him to move I was wide awake - again! That was around 10 this evening so I've spent several hours surfing the internet and catching up with old firends via email. 

What do you do if you can't sleep?
Have a drink? And I don't mean Kool-Aid
Play with the animals in the house (I have four 3 cats and 1 big stinky dog)
Can't play with the kids at this hour so what else can a good mom do with many hours of uninterrupted time LAUNDRY! Boy does this girl know how to have fun or what?

Don't answer that.   

I'm new to "live journal" and this is my first posting. 
Well, here's what's up with me. My boyfriend and father of my two boys started talking marriage last night. I've been married twice and he's never been married. We have two beautiful boys 5 yrs and 4 yrs old along with three kitty kids (all girls) and one big roty boy that would be rottweiler. We have a house full of love but I'm not so sure we should get married. We have some pretty bad things in our history together and he's not the most openly loving man but on the upside he's an awesome daddy. I guess my question is: do I sacrifice my dreams of what shoulld be but could never be with this man for what I know is a good thing for my boys? 

My first marriage lasted 7 years, I was 19 when we got married and 26 when we got divorced. Then 6 years later I'm in a marriage with a man who has an addiction to porn and an addiction to "Jim Bean" not to mention he liked to toss me around and hit me when he had too much to drink. That marriage lasted 6 years. Now let's fast forward 12 yrs and we are in present time. This man is a good man but very selfish when it comes to the "couple". He's a great father and spoils our boys but 75% fo the time my needs and wants don't come in to play. He never ever say's "how was your day?" Which I ask him everyday and we also talk at least twice a day on the phone. I call him not him calling me. We both hold down full time jobs and fight at least 3 hours a bad traffic everyday back and forth to work. 

Last night was the first time in over a year that we made love. He's been depressed I've been depressed I also had some major girlie operation last year which has altered my sex drive. I don't know he's not popped the question thank god, but he did say he's been thinking about getting married for some time now . He says this while were naked in bed and I say "to me?" and his responce was "don't be stupid, yes you". Let's just say he got off pretty easy with that statement (sorry for the play on words). We make love which the event takes all of about 15 miuntues with almost non foreplay. Then it's off to the livingroom for him since his bed is the coach and has been for O..  5 years on and off and I go to sleep in our queen size bed all alone. Well, not really my kitty kids were with me.  

What's girl to do?